What is marriage in the modern sense? Is there no danger that the family familiar to our grandparents, fathers, and mothers will disappear in a few decades, and sexual and family behavior will become completely different things? Scientists in Indiana react to these questions quite violently. As it is fashionable to say now, “not everything is so simple.” Here are some prognosis for you about divorce in Indiana and family itself.
The Internet primarily hampers new relations (both already established and emerging).
Namely – the active presence of men and women in social networks. And if the representatives of the stronger sex mainly discuss practical things with “friends” – car repair, purchase of fishing gear or, in the end, another loss of national football team, then ladies like to boast of real virtues. These are the testimonies of family psychotherapist psychologists.
With the advent of the Internet, the facets of the concept of serious relations began to fade. The value of marriage is fading away.
How were relationships built before? The boy and the girl began to tune in to their friend, experienced, raised each other. A girl could have a chance to prank, and a man, if he is a real man, at some point could use ignore, composure, as the most reliable method of influence. A chill ran between them. In such cases, the girl quickly realized that she was wrong.
The young man marked his position. Frames lined up. And if the bride is appropriately raised, she would say: “I’m sorry, dear, I do not want any emotional stress, I was not right.” What is happening now? If there was a quarrel, the girl photographs herself prettier, puts in a social network and receives compliments.
The lesson that the young man wanted to teach the girl with his ignore is leveled. On the contrary – the girl begins to ignore the man. Such behavior breaks the foundations and family values. Once the Internet pill helped the girl, she accepts this pattern of action. Instead of settling the conflict, she starts throwing firewood at him. This leads to the fact that the couple conflicts more and more and often divorces. Specialists conclude that this will lead to the growing divorce rate in Indiana in the next ten years.
Broke up? Well, then. There is also a tested pill. And often there are no faces. Everything goes on display.
Scandals help to avoid the divorce
Specialists believe that the fundamental cause of mistakes in family relationships, which often leads to a break in Indiana, is the improper upbringing of one, or even both spouses:
There is a social experience: both parents raised their children, and those raise their own. It is terrible when mom and dad dominate and regularly declare to the child: you are nobody, and I am everything. It means that he, most likely, will do so with his children, who will unwittingly become catalysts for the break-up. There is an excuse for such behavior. Not everyone has pedagogical education, and intuitive, natural inclinations (for example, conflict resolution, restoration of trusting relationships). Not all families have a “team” that discusses problems. But the fact remains: people’s complexes come from childhood.
There is a framework, both mandatory and conditional. Mandatory associated with the protection of life and health of children. For example: if it’s time to sleep, we stop the romps and collect toys. But there are times when it’s impossible to restrict children from upholding their rights. It happens that a very young child is powerful. And if you “crush” him, this will lead to the fact that he will not be able to defend his rights already in the team, psychologists explain. And no matter how much the parent wants to stop the desire of the child, it is better to restrain himself.
The kid will hardly understand why the mom disagrees with him, but he will start to lose confidence in himself. Let him grow up. And then he will be able to explain the norms of behavior without detriment to development.
It sounds paradoxical, but the too tender attitude to the grandchildren often contributes to the rupture of marital relations. A familiar situation: the father or mother does not allow to watch TV or play computer games for a child, and he immediately runs to complain to grandparents. In 9 out of 10 cases, old people defend the “offended” baby. Such support incredibly reduces the authority of parents, psychologists say. And it’s okay if, at the request of the grandmother or grandfather, both parents agree to satisfy the child’s desire. Yes, this is a concession, but not critical. It is worse when only one of the spouses gets up on the side of the child, especially the father.
The child can argue: if my dad and mom can not agree between themselves, what do they climb into my upbringing? And he begins to manipulate them, the scientist continues. How does this affect the relationship of spouses? It happens that the male spouse lacks masculinity. This happens in families where a single mother raises the son. In this case, the woman is the leader in the family. The boy initially takes this model as correct. And when he grows up, he is looking for a robust woman, as his mother, to create a family. This model of behavior is passed on from generation to generation.
Another reason for divorces, which happened in the past century in isolated cases, is the so-called love-mercy. Parents spend all their time making money, on self-realization, but they forget to raise children.
The child comes and says: “Dad, I want to play with you.” The father gives the child a decent amount: “Go with friends to the cinema, cafes, attractions, etc.” The parent paid off, and money loses value for the child. And secondly, the child has an understanding that no one controls him. But, like any man, he is looking for emotional intimacy.
For example, a drug dealer can play on these feelings. Today – attractions, tomorrow – drugs or gambling. Money is constantly. Parents do not see this dependence so that children can hide it for years. And when the “exploits” of the children come to the surface, and it turns out that the child is not as perfect as the parents dreamed of, mutual accusations and insults begin. Often, as a result, a divorce occurs. This is especially popular in Indiana state nowadays. And this tendency grows even more nowadays. And it will keep growing in the future, specialists say.
A serious mistake before marriage is the attitude towards one’s own life as a kind of spontaneous process. We must reflect on this, and we must prepare these events. We should not “fall into” these events, as “girls” fall into relations, who seek to emancipate themselves, leave the parental family, and use the institution of marriage instead of acquiring life experience first.
Infantilism is an evil adviser, and it does not allow us to manage our life. And inside the marriage, the biggest problem is the lack of negotiations. We fear conflicts and leave them. In vain. It is better to quarrel and quarrel. Through battle, through pushing the value systems of spouses, we can develop a common platform. And someday it will shoot. These norms can be very different. And it’s good to find out as soon as possible until the couple has got children. The victims are primarily children who are injured and transfer their attitude to their marriage.
Cohabitation is no longer shameful
Sociologists identify two typical family models in Indiana and America overall. The first is on the verge of extinction. It is a traditional model.
Often, traditional families have many children. Man is a pronounced leader there, and the functions between the spouses are separated. As a rule, the spouse earns and single-handedly makes decisions. The wife does housework.
In cities, the second type of family is typical. They called egalitarian (from French egalite – equality). It is characterized by a moving structure, without fixed roles. Two parties make serious decisions. Both spouses are usually engaged in cooking, washing and washing dishes. It’s good that with the advent of delicious convenience foods, high-quality household appliances, and many service companies, this business has ceased to be a burden.
Leadership depends on who earns more. And since after some crises there is another wave of emancipation, there are more and more women leaders in all spheres. Successful ladies often serve as the head of the family. And they less oriented to the opinion of men, not mainly responding to the same standards of beauty imposed on her.
All this information lead us to a simple fact. Family values start to disappear faster than ever. It will lead to a significant amount of divorces in Indiana state and America overall. People do not need it nowadays